I’ve had the same watch since high school, a Swiss Army model I bought with the money I received as graduation presents, supplemented with a bit of grocery store money. Runs like a champ, nearly bulletproof, waterproof, and not so gaudy as to be considered male jewelry. So it was with some trepidation I replaced my usual left-side sidekick with the simply named “bacon wristwatch,” again from Archie McPhee.
My arm bristled at the foreign-feeling vinyl (a far cry from stainless steel), but I liked the fun look of the deeply embossed, bacon-inspired band. I didn’t pay the watch face much attention, other than to note the lack of numbers on its face.
But as I wore the watch for the next four days, it became more and more irritating, not just for the imprecise time (why wear a watch at all if you only want to know roughly what time it is?), but for the face itself.
The face contains the likeness of Mr. Bacon, a character the folks at McPhee feel has the cultural cachet of Mickey Mouse, but one I find somewhat … annoying. The face could have been so much better, so much more worthy of the bold, fun-looking band. So as an actual Professional Graphic Designer™, I offer a few suggested improvements, shown below.
This one answers the age-old question, a watch’s raison d’etre, “What time is it?” This watch has the answer.
Yes, I know bacon comes from the pig’s belly, but no one wants to tell time by judging which position the nipple is pointing. Instead, use the cute, curly (tasty) tail as indicator!
And, the one that seems both the simplest and most obvious: bacon hands (similar to jazz hands, but not anything like Edward Fortyhands).
Got a better idea? I’ll send the funniest/awesomest reader submission posted here a bacon care package.
